Results of the 1st WHAT - IF Competition

It’s 12, midnight 12 that is, not noon 12. Which means I can now officially announce the winners of What If.

First of all, a big thank you to all those participated — Aum, Becoming a Stranger to Myself, Chitrangada, Convivial, Deeps, Elle, Etincelle, Keka, Komal, Mouche, Om, and Rohit.

The jury had a tough time selecting the winners, and there was a lot of debate and discussion that went into it. In some cases, there are joint winners because the jury felt that more than one answer was brilliant enough to be given the first prize. In each category, the jury has given an ‘honorable mention’ as well. Needless to say, the organizer, that is me, has decided to give away participation prizes to everyone. Which is, a cup of coffee at Barista or Café Coffee Day or any such café. Winners (since they are winners) get, in addition to the coffee, a brownie.

So here goes:

Hanuman Mandirs — no matter what their age — always seem to be called “Pracheen Hanuman Mandir”. What if they were renamed to “Adhunik Hanuman Mandir”?
Now deciding the winner for this one was truly tough because there were so many brilliant entries. Right from Rohit’s “visitors would need to visit using electronic jackets” to Convivial’s “bhakti passwords”…Adhunik Hanuman Mandir attracted a lot of imagination. However, in the end the jury felt that the first prize should go to Om and Aum. Congrats Prashant and Ankur! God on plasma screen and Hanuman wearing a suit were simply brilliant!

Honorable mention in this category is Mouche, whose response… “Our remix masters will slap on a new neon cot of paint, add a few scantily clad apsaras and play remixed bhajans” took imagination to new heights indeed.


What if you had just one more day to live?
The jury was unanimous in its decision. The clear winner… Becoming a Stranger to Myself. Richa’s very original answer — “if i just had one more day to live i would chair a corporate sorta board meeting in the morning. climb to the top of qutab minar in the evening and shout out loud. and in the night, i would get married. who cares,to whom! i just want to wear that trousseau once with all the pretty jewellery. and it could not be a better situation coz no hassles of a marriage. just plain fun!!” — won several rounds of applause hands down. Congrats babe!

Honorable mention in this category is Keka whose technologically sound answer “I will contact the guys who made dolly and have them take my dna or whatever u need and make another me again... :-P” was much appreciated by the distinguished jury.


What if Bush and Saddam discovered they were actually long lost brothers, each knowing how to sing one stanza each of the song they were taught as children by, say, a Ramu Kaka?
Again two winners: Deeps and Elle. Deepak’s answer made our jury crack up with laughter, especially the part where Saddam tells Bush, “Mere paas oil hai.” And Elle’s highly imaginative song was very hummable. Please sing along to “kuwaiti ho iraqi ho sabka kehna hai, kai croreon mein mera bhaiya hai. saari umar hamein tel churana hai...."

Honorable mention in this category, again two.
Prashant…whose love triangle between Bush, Hussain, and Sonia Gandhi with Pervez Musharraf as the villain was a brilliant example of fertile imagination at its best.
Arup, his response came in while I was typing out the results. But as I started reading his answer (and visualizing it), I started laughing so much that I just had to include it, without consulting my jury. It is “Imagine this... Saddam is taken for execution to US. As he sits tied down to the electric chair, very sad, he hums a song... Bush watchin it in TV immediately recognizes the song and races for the phone... the phone rings in the execution room, the execution stops in the last moment... and cnn shows the "breaking news of the century"


What if you could actually buy love?
The winner is Keka for “i'ld buy out the whole stock!!and no "made in china" business please... ONLY the real deal!!”
If this isn’t a smart answer, then what is?

Honorable mention — the wicked answers given by the three ladies Etincelle, Convivial and Komal.
Etincelle said, “I would go for the first really rich guy I met...scary! Then again, I would have the best collection of diamond rings; porsches; country houses; beach houses; yatches; greek islands...etc etc”
Convivial’s response was, “oh i will ji try n get a million dollars first...:P”
And
Komal’s was, “buy love..no...........then all my money would be spent in a day,and how will i buy the cellphone i`ve been eyeing 4 quite sometime now?!!!”


What if there was no Altaf Raja? Alternately, you could answer…What if there was no Ekta Kapoor?
The simple, straight answer by Chitrangada was the clear winner. The jury thought her lucid argument, “agar Ektaa Kapoor nahin hoti toh bechare jwller n saari wale kya karte ...:O” deserved the first prize.

Honorable mention in this category is Rohit’s prophetic “Himesh Reshammiya would have been even bigger today.”


Hope you had fun playing What If. I certainly had a great time teaching it, and passing on its infinite wisdom to everyone.