Alternate Histories

When I was a teenager, I never thought I would want to be teacher. I didn't see the charm in doing the same thing day after day, year after year. But after coming to America and starting to teach, it began to grow on me. And although I am not sure I want to teach for the rest of my life, I know I want to be associated with it in some form or other for as long as possible. I love the thrill of exploring new course material, the satisfaction of introducing something provocative in my classrooms just to see student reactions and the joy of knowing towards the end of a semester that this too got wrapped up neatly.

However, there are times when I question the very right to education, whether it should be a right at all and be extended to everyone, or whether it should be treated like the privilege it is at its core and restricted to only those who prove, really prove, that they deserve it. Or maybe, it's none of these things, it's just that current teaching methods and textbooks of the world need an overhaul.

This post is prompted by the gems I read recently from my first-year college students' History of World Civilizations test papers. I taught two sections totaling up to about 150 students. Given that like most teachers of the world, all that I can actually do is just grade or make little notes in the margin, I felt my creativity was being curbed. So, in this post, I made amends. The sentences are what my students wrote, but in brackets is what I desperately wanted to write as my response.

Q. Who as Prophet Mohammad?
A. Before Muslim religion entered Arabia, Arabs were Hindus and Confucius.
The Profit Mohammed was a cool guy. (And he was profitable to have, which made him even cooler.)
A. Islam was made up by combining ideas of Christianity and Muslimism. (This might be my absolute favorite.) Mohammad was the prophet of both the Muslims and the Islamics. (I want to meet at least two Islamics in my life.)

Q. Who was the Buddha?
A. Buddha's real name was Gandhi. (And he attacked the British in 400 BC by flinging chants at them.)
A. Buddhism involves worshiping The Bud. (How much of The Weed are you on, my friend?)
A. Buddha is the one who prays to the Buddah. (I loved this. Very existential.)
A. The Buddha is always in agreement with Allah. (Well, yes, in a matter of speaking.)
A. Buddha is basically THE GOD of the Hindu religion. (AMEN.)
A. The Buddha is not a person, it is a way of life. (Deep. Very deep.)
A. You can become the Buddah once you see everything. (I agree.)

Q. Who are Shias?
A. Shias and Sunnis differ on the issue of who should succeed Brahmid. (I had to call a friend after this one.)
A. Shias are Islams who believe government officials should be elected.
A. Shias can be gods and goddesses. (I like that there is no curb on their freedom of choice.)
A. Shias are nomadic people who do agriculture. (And Sunnis neither like to travel nor grow produce.)
A. Shias believe you need to keep moving constantly to pray to god because god is everywhere. (I am mildly disturbed at the thought of Shias being restless, little children.)
A. Shias are Muslims who believe that Buddhist leaders should be descendants of Buddha and Ali. (I appreciate that Shias should care so much about Buddhist leadership. This is tolerance at its best.)
A. Shias are middle-eastern people who are actually Christians. (Yes. Deep, very deep inside their souls.)
A. Shias feel differently about Hinduism. (Oh no! Why? That is so sad.)

Q. Was a conflict between the Romans and Jesus inevitable?
A. Yes, they both had strong feelings. (Yes. But about what? Hmm...mysterious. Very mysterious.)
A. Yes, because Jesus taught Jewish stuffs and Romans were Roman Catholic.
A. Yes because Jesus being around got people to get excited but that doesn't exactly means the man should have to get nailed to a cross and sufficate. (Don't you love the image of Jesus running around getting people excited randomly?)
A. Yes, because Jesus flipped over tables in a temple and lost his temper. This got him noticed. (Someone should have kept an eye on this crazy dude!)
A. Yes, because Jesus had too many opinions.
A. Yes, because Jesus kept getting elected as the King of Jews. (Oh, those Jews and their democracy!)
A. Jesus got into conflict with the Roman Empire because he didn't like their churches. (No, he didn't think they were pretty enough.)

Q. Name the countries of Scandinavia.
A. Pakistan, Afghanistan, Syria and Iraq.
A. Mesomatamia and Morrocow. (I like.)
A. Australia and Tailand. (I like even more.)
A. Delhi, Mecca, Medina, Damascus,Tunis. (I love.)

Q. Name 6 countries of Southeast Asia.
A. Asia, Islam and China.
A. Mecca, Medina, Cairo.
A. Greece, Iraq and Iran. (Yes, because they are all right next to each other.)
A. There are no countries here. It is just a chain of 20,000 islands. (All of which are waiting patiently for Columbus' arrival.)
A. Sicily, etc. (I rest my case.)