A few years ago, when I was in College, I distinctly remember a conversation I had with this friend who had just come back from a trip to Europe. I will never forget how she said that everywhere she went she was treated and looked upon as an individual, and not an object. I am not sure I understood it very well back then, but today I know what she means.
The easiest explanation for this is: I often go out for coffee with a colleague I am good friends with. And he is undoubtedly one of the few men in my life who does not think that any woman around, no matter what the venue or the occasion, deserves a thorough checking out. Right from his body language to his words to his behavior, everything is geared towards the idea that before you are either a man or a woman, you are an individual. Probably that has something to do with his tremendously good manners that come to the surface no matter what the occasion or who the person. Or perhaps because he has spent several years abroad. Or may be because he is extremely well-educated. Or perhaps it’s a combination of all these three together, or perhaps none of them. May be it’s just him.
I came across Blank Noise in the India Today dated June 19, and then again on July 1 on the news channel Times Now. It’s a project started by Jasmeen Patheja, a Bangalorean. The project protests against eve teasing, because whether done openly or beneath the veneer of sophistication, it IS an offence.
On the television show, what one of the Blank Noise volunteers said made perfect sense. That here in India no one, not even the women themselves, take eve-teasing as a serious offence. It’s something that all of us deal with right from childhood and hence we consider it normal. And we react, if at all we do, only when the offence is beyond endurance levels. Until that time, we ourselves don’t react because we are so used to being part of a strange society where no matter what the crime is against the woman, the first question that’s always asked is, “What was she wearing?” The implication thus being that the man has no reason to control his actions. He really need not because it's not his fault. He is doing whatever he is doing, or has done whatever he has done...be it mentally undressing a woman, or checking her assets, or committing something far more heinous...simply because of the woman's clothes, because through her clothes she asked for it. In other words, he was pushed into doing whatever he did because of clothes that another individual wore, and not because his mind told him to do so.
Kind of blurs the meaning of the word ‘victim’ doesn’t it?
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." -- Jean-Paul Sartre
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11 comments:
I agree with you yaar. And i wonder how this whole thing started in our society where women have been trained to notice and yet ignore. I remember my mum telling me to not be afraid and do anything to protect myself from all sorts of shit. but how come even i prefer to ignore certain things at times?!
And it is one of the worst things about Delhi. i don't know much about the rest of the country but i've heard that Mumbai isn't anything like this. you can BREATHE there.
and Bangalore is something that i experienced for a few days myself... it was much much better according to me.
but seriously, when will we be free?!
Well its a thought provoking topic...
Its sad that Delhi or rather India as a whole has this problem. I guess one of the reasons is that India is in a transition phase. The men who were never really allowed to interact with women suddenly find themselves in a world where women are seen as an equal, where women are often their bosses...and with the skin show all around and dare bare girls all over in the media this middle aged 'Indian' man has not been able to take it. With their insecurities they sometimes do this to prove they are still superior. And its tragic for the society.
Their was an article written by a 25 something women in Delhi that I was reading the other day where she said that when she and some of her female friend went into a bar with middle aged men..all the men started makes passes at them since they were two single girls. Being unconfortable they left and went into another pub with young crowd and there they did not face any such issues...
This is also the problem with some of the rural youth who are sometimes involved in crimes against women. Again since they have had no exposure to interaction with opposite sex media and all drives them crazy...
Its high time we did something more concrete to stop this menace. Ultimately girls themselves will have to come forward and say 'We will not take this lying down'. And then the support of the general public is necessary
Sorry if i am putting the point a little out of the context but the problem in India is also that a women seldom supports a women.
cant agree more with u and my feelings are exactly same as B.......btw del is ofcourse the most unsafe city or rather the whole north india has this mentality....south india and west is much better.........but yeah there also u will find instances of eveteasing but not in the way u see in north india.............the mentality of men and the system/society just sukcs big time out here.....
I also believe that its high time that gals themselves should come forward and stop depending on someone else to takecare of situation and bail them out........i know thats tough but someday they have do it....why not now.......
I think u posted exatly what i was trying to potray in my painting.
I painted that one for a NGO for eveteasing post but I had exacly the same thought before painting that one.
And about the dress thing ..I really don understand why ppl make issue of this .If a girl assualted by fe creeps thn ppl blame that girl that she must be wearing some western dress ..but if we talk abt child rape thn whers is the Dress funda stand ...
Being treated like an INDIVIDUAL and not an OBJECT is what each woman desires and hopes for.
I am glad you have written on something which most of us feel but, have never really voiced. As, you have rightly said that in our society it is part and parcel of our lives to overlook some petty remarks.
I would like to add that what our society and women in particular do not know and follow is that "Sisterhood is powerful."
We women instead of supporting each other look for ways to degrade and deface the other.
This is nothing but what has been percolated deep down within each one of us from our surroundings and the environment when we grow up. So we imbibe it as a part which we have learnt to live with and not protest.
The point in which no matter what, it is the woman who is blamed for provoking the man. In todays so called free society where we have the freedom to choice, a woman is reprimanded for what she wears.
Funny isn't it!!! Men will not be blamed for their acts but women who are the victims will be blamed for the evil committed by men. This means that women are further agonised and we do nothing to take a stand against this. I guess when u read further on there is an explanation or a possible explanation for this point.
I am sorry, this will be a little too long, but, as you have written on something that is a matter of concern and which needs to be brought out in a big way. It is not to criticize my country but a fact is a fact and the truth can not be denied. Power and Money two factors that help you survive here. If you have the power and money no one would dare to do a thing or say something to you. At the same time on the other hand, because you have power or money or both you can go about on a killing spree and you go scot free. Thats a reason why most of us(women) think it much better to shutup than speak up.
But kudos to you gal i just loved this post of yours.
@ BASTM
The reason why you prefer to ignore certain things at times is the same for all of us. Discomfort at unwanted attention. The idea that let it be...how much harm can it really do?
Delhi is probably the most inhuman when it comes to its women. What makes it worse is the slow pace at which justice, if ever, is meted out to the wrong doer.
@ B
Extremely lucidly written comment. And your analysis of why most men behave the way they do is absolutely accurate. However, am not sure by what you mean that girls should come ahead and refuse to take things lying down. At an individual level I am sure all of us are already fighting the problem but then again, what concrete thing can be done?
@ D
I understand the point you are trying to make. But we are talking about a mindset here. And one that is rampant everywhere...on the streets, in the workplace, neighborhood...everywhere. More than the actual crime, my point is about the psyche behind it.
@ Aqui
Elaborate the point on women going overboard please. I mean who are you and I to decide what going overboard means. It's an individual's personal life after all. And yes, please do feel free to go on. No word limit here. :)
@ Chitrangada
See...I told you. Maybe we can get into some kind of a deal on blog. Your paintings, my words...what say?
@ Mayuri
Waiting for your detailed comment. Hence not replying to this one.
@ Anku
Lovely thought provoking comment. Thank you.
Yes, "Sisterhood is powerful". And it's a shame that women indeed turn out to be their worst enemies.
You know you can physically go and fight any battle, but what do you do when it's all in the mind? How do you fight a thought process? How do you tell all and sundry that an individual's choice of clothes or even way of life, cannot justify "she asked for it...and so I did what I did".
You remember that pepper spray thingie advertisements...when the product was launched? Sonsofabitch banned the ad...jerks! But I guess every girl should carry it. All those grade-A assholes deserve it!
I have always wondered though, how can a guy be SO horny?! I mean, everyone checks out people you find attractive at the end of the day, but it's entirely upon you--to make it seem just casual or make it obscene. I have personally not known guys who 'mentally undress' a chick the moment they see it or pass cheesy comments, but I certainly can imagine the level of desperation that makes them do! Jerks! The only solution is to....well, I wouldn't want to write it here. :D
@ Rohit
Please solution bata de, extremely curious to know what it is.
frankly speaking havn`t really found out a solution to this menace as yet..
can`t say what i would do the next time i face such a situation..
felt like slapping someone once...but resulted in a badly spoilt evening, nothing else..
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