Untitled

The day had begun on a good note. When I stepped out of the house, the cold wind knocked me out for moment, but as I started walking, it began to feel good. The day was going to be good, I just knew it in my bones.

Reached office but it was a light load so it was a relatively free day. Met some friends online and the conversations were rocking. When suddenly, one conversation backfired. It ended on a bitter note. It left me angry and hurt, the other person puzzled and disgruntled because I appeared to be overreacting and making a mountain of a molehill, and the third it left disillusioned and doubting about how much I could be trusted.

I take my friendships very seriously. If I cannot trust a friend, or worse if I somehow break a friend’s trust in me, it devastates me. It literally is the easiest way to destroy me. Luckily the fiasco didn’t cause any permanent damage and I would sincerely like to believe that all the friendships will not only survive but flourish as well.

But I was despondent and unhappy and a senior colleague was quick to notice it. She sat me down and now at the end of it, I think it was one of the best conversations I have ever had with someone. What lessons did she teach me? That we all have varying levels of what we consider acceptable and unacceptable in a relationship, any relationship for that matter. What might be a heartbreakingly faithless act in my scheme of things might not register as such to another person. Does that make him or her heartless or unkind? No. My colleague gave me an example from her life to prove her point. Let me try to quote her here.
“Sayantani, I have been married for nearly thirty years now. Have raised two sons, and now I have three grandchildren. It’s been a full life, filled with rough rides. And the reason why even the rough rides have been manageable is because I have been married to the kindest and warmest man on this earth. He doesn’t always get what I am saying, my sons very often don’t get what I want from them, my friends have sometimes misunderstood me. They all have let me down as I am sure I have let them down too. But what keeps us all going is our mutual respect. If you cannot respect the other person then you won’t hear them even if they stand next to you and snarl into your ear. Respect them, respect their point of view. And insist on communication. Let them know how you feel, even at the risk of sounding stupid or unintelligent.”

I just did.